My oldest, my #1 son...my firstborn in the wilderness (does 40 hours of labor count as the wilderness?) just turned twelve. Wiped a tear from my eye -heart swelling with pride- as my Noah marched up on the stand and served his bishop the emblems of the sacrament for the first time. And in the next breath I winced as he forgot his "route" and had to hang out at the sacrament table until further notice. (For the record, the wincing and crying has continued in periodic bursts since my little buddy has crossed over)... Too cool for Primary, too geeky for Young Mens. Such is the plight of a deacon in transition.
I hate to admit this, but over the years my "deacon watching" has been a source of entertainment during sacrament time. Those awkward, sweet, bumbling 12 and 13 year-olds... gotta love 'em. As a college student and missionary (and younger mom), I'd think to myself, "When MY son is a deacon his hair will not look like he took the palm of his hand and plastered it from his crown to his brow bone." "When MY son is a deacon, he will not look all clumsy and timid and self-conscious." "MY son will be absolutely brimming with the confidence I've instilled in him and will walk tall and look all composed and Priesthood-ish." Um, yeah. A) Can you say PRIDE? and B) There's this little Eternal Principle that needs to distill upon my child as the dews from heaven called "Line Upon Line," not to mention C) Wasn't I supposed to be concentrating on Christ during the passing of the Sacrament?
Let the humbling begin. My son Noah has always been good at awakening me to my awful situation. I dare say the wisdom he's innately held, from birth on, makes my feeble attempts at "getting it" seem laughable. Like most of his generation, he's not stressing out at the level his mother is, and calmly reminds me (if only by his demeanor) that the time is too short to sweat the small stuff. Truth be told, he DOES walk taller (than me) he does have more composure (than me), and he most definitely is all priesthood-ish. I perceived his childlike submission to be a lack of confidence...when in fact, his is the Godly kind.
A certain scripture comes to mind, as I contemplate how a righteous Priesthood warrior holder really should carry himself:
D&C 121: 36-37
"That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness...when we undertake to cover our sins or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man."
...and I might add, Amen to the authority of this woman. There are many lessons to be learned from watching a deacon...those struggling stripling soldiers in our modern-day Army of Helaman. My past moments of amusement with -and judgment of- these little warriors has been replaced with a newfound sense of awe and respect.
And so in honor of my Noah and lessons learned from him continuing to raise me, I have come up with Twelve Reasons to Learn at the Feet of Our Children:
1) Your child (depending on how old you were at his or her birth) has received at least 20 more years of premortal training than you did. In my youngest's case, 32. (Isn't that the equivalent of like 4 PhD's?)
2) Your child's spirit could be older than yours. We only know who the Firstborn was, and beyond that, heavenly birthorder remains one of His mysteries. Quite possibly, we are raising little Ancient Ones.
3) Your child holds unique gifts that weren't as "needed" in your time, and maybe didn't even exist. His or her training was specific to this generation, and to the exponential growth and "speeding up" of the Earth. (Case in point: how long does it take YOU to figure out computer and techno-stuff vs. THEM)?
4) Your child's spirit realizes there is much to be done in very little time. The urgent sense of mission inherent in their generation manifests itself as hyperactivity, hypersensitivity, and multi-sensory perception. Not necessarily ideal traits in a kid, but once they grow into themselves (even if it isn't until the Millennium)...watch out.
5) Your child cannot understand (nor tolerate) hypocrisy. The Sadducees and Pharisees wouldn't stand a chance - your kid would see through them just as they see through you. (It's not like they expect perfection in their mother, only that she walks her talk).
6) Your child's specific core spirit personality has been sent directly to you as a divine tutorial. Whatever you're weak in, they will magnify it, simply by being who they are. (A beautiful opportunity for you to open the windows of awareness and healing that you've closed in the past).
7) Your child cares less about appearances and more about acceptance. (And how contrary is THAT to how the "natural woman" wants to parent?)
8) Your child will almost always look, think, feel and act differently than you expect. If they were the living embodiment of your dream child, how could the divine mandate of opposition in all things be fulfilled to help each of you grow? (Paralleling that, the Spirit almost always prompts us to do something different than we were setting out to do. Parenting this generation, whose personalities are so foreign to our understanding and comprehension, is a bold walk of sheer faith).
9) Your child is a master at living in the Present. (I believe if you live by the Spirit -in the moment- with a child, you will learn to walk the roads of your highest good).
10) Your child is helping to raise the light levels of this Earth in preparation to receive the Savior. If your child was not here, the light level would decrease that much more. (And to think...the Lord has trusted YOU to help sustain that light as his or her earthly steward)!
11) Your child's love and acceptance of you, and of all people, is pure and holy. There is a simpleness, a tenderness that resides in their little hearts which holds supreme healing powers. (If you look into their eyes long enough and deep enough, you will discover everything that really matters, and every mystery revealed. Divine Order manifests itself plainly every time one gazes upon a child).
12) Your child (to quote Jesus Christ) is "the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
